Entry 2

Introduction

Well here we are, contrary to the entropic nature of the universe my blog endures! It does so despite my recent relocation to the very apex of a four story building and the ongoing mental torment of a job that is not only unfulfilling, but also poorly paid and increasingly hard to reach.


But enough of my pointless melancholy. You came here to sup at the moist teat of my wisdom and so you shall! In a radical reversal I shall start today's blog with the very rant that served as the ending to the last!


The Gentleman's Handbook


As I mentioned last week, I am currently in the process of writing a book that will serve as a reference to the Modern Gentleman. It will serve not only to teach them the correct way to behave with a lady, but also motivations for following my advice. Last time we discussed the importance of carrying a ladies bags... this week we have rule 2, which addresses the need for a Gentleman to always offer a Lady protection from the elements. 

Rule 2: A Gentleman should always offer a lady his coat or umbrella if the weather turns moist. Let’s face it, we live in England and rain is a sure thing, so this is a rule you will probably have to observe a lot.

Motivation: While it is true that a lady who gets wet may suffer from clothes that become more revealing than she may have initially intended (especially if they are white), a true Modern Gentleman knows that if you exercise patience and give the lady your coat the reward in the end will be much more worthwhile. You see a cold, wet lady is most likely to go home, and if she doesn’t do that she will be much more interested in a nice warm tea than anything alcoholic. Conversely, a lady who is nice and warm is likely to take off some layers, possibly even all of them if she is drunk/warm enough.

Note: Whilst you may help your cause by making sure the heating is up nice and high in your house, remember not to overdo it.  A lady who is hot and sweaty before she reaches the bedroom is not your goal here.

Ho ho ho! I bet you didn't see that literary switcheroo coming! Now for something slightly different...


Help the Gentleman!


Last week I asked that people help me change my avatar to one more personalized and exciting. Since that time I have received lots of messages from people telling me that they like my current avatar. 


Well, let it not be said that The Gentleman neglects his readers! As requested I won't change it, for now... 


I would still like a personalized one at some point though, so if you are of the artistic persuasion and you'd like to help your favorite blogger out then I would urge you you submit your work to me!


Tales from the life of a Gentleman


As I alluded to in my introduction, I have recently moved abode from the flat I shared with the Great Wallace to a top floor flat with an altitude on par with Mount Olympus. I share these lodgings with a girl known affectionately as "Wool Girl" and she has quickly gone about spinning her nest of rainbow hued crochet and knitting all over the place.


Me and Wool Girl are not alone in this building. Living on the bottom floor is a large fellow who it seems has stalked these hallways for a long time. His presence is so fearsome that the houses other residents have yet to reveal themselves to me. I feel that it may be prudent to knock on each door with a bag full of sugar and try and coax the buildings other residents blinking into the light... but for now my attention has been drawn to the aforementioned portly chap. 


To draw a parallel with religion, if me and Wool Girl were God and our room the rolling clouds of heaven, this man would be Satan. His bottom floor is a dank, dirty place and his lair is secured by two padlocks in addition to the standard lock. I have attempted to create a rapport between him and myself but to no avail, he only seems interested in telling me to keep the kitchen clean (before I'd even used it once) and in telling me how much he disliked my rooms previous inhabitants. The lack of communication is so severe that I haven't even been able to learn his name. Due to this I thought it would be fun to assign him a name and who better than to help me with this task than you, the readers of my blog! I have narrowed the options to five possibilities


1) Adolf
2) Twinkle (or Twinx for short)
3) The Dark Lord
4) Mr Happy
5) Mr Sad


Please put your votes in the comments section below, or contact me directly. I will reveal the result on my next blog. 


Farewell, for now...


and so concludes my second blog. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always feedback is always appreciated... so please don't hesitate to contact me via the comments section below to let me know what you think. 


For now I shall love you and leave you, but remember...


With great mustache comes great responsibility.


Yours Sincerely, The Gentleman.