Entry 4

Introduction

Good afternoon all. Once again I am afraid I must start my blog with an apology. It has been far too long since my last entry and for that I am truly, deeply sorry. I do have reasons and excuses however… you will find I always have an excuse… a Gentleman should always have a few stored just in case.

The first of the two is none other than life itself. I have recently started a new job and whilst I hate to admit it, this has taken up a lot of my time and even more of my energy. I know, I know… I should have my priorities straight and get on with the blog regardless of such silliness but you see I need the internet to update the blog at all. Because of this you will see that by getting a good job and earning money so I can afford the internet I am actually acting in the best interests of the blog and you, my loyal readers.

The second reason is slightly more elaborate. I actually stated writing this post on a Wednesday some weeks when I finally managed to steal a little time to do so. It was progressing smoothly and literary genius ran from my touch like gold from the hands of Midas. Unfortunately my time ran dry before I had finished and as I always do I saved the work in progress on my bronze Gentleman’s USB receptacle. My intention was to store it within my Gentleman’s vault, a huge elaborate affair guarded by a network of sensors and lasers as well as an Indiana Jones style puzzle and a trained attack walrus called Keith. Despite my best efforts disaster struck between my computer and the vault door. Godzilla, the giant dinosaur/lizard/creature of Japanese fame smashed through the roof of my home and gobbled up my USB receptacle before I could react. I prepared myself to leap into the belly of the beast and retrieve it but before I could do so a thousand tiny Godzilla clones appeared and ate the large Godzilla in a matter of minutes like a shoal of piranha. As if this wasn’t enough, the laws of quantum mechanics decided to get involved and all of the small lizard clones popped out of existence and were replaced with tree which produces pink, slightly erotic looking bananas.

All of these, completely truthful, events conspired to prevent me from getting this entry to you but they will not succeed… without further ado I give you…. ENTRY 4!

The Gentleman’s Handbook

I shall continue my one man quest to impart the ways of the Gentleman onto the new generation. This week we have a very important rule and one that you should definitely pay attention too.

Rule 4: If a lady asks you how old you think she is, or how old she looks, tread VERY carefully. Generally it’s best to avoid a realistic guess unless you know for certain what her age is… and even then she still may not thank you for reminding her of the reality. Really you have two possible options when faced with this crisis,

1) Guess younger than you think. This is the safest option and probably your best bet. Make sure not to go too far under though as you will run the risk of sounding like you’re trying too hard or purposefully just being nice to try and win the Lady’s affection, rather than actually thinking she is that age.

2) Guess way, way, way over what you think. And when I say over I mean something in the region of 6000 years old. This is a much riskier tactic but if you pull it off you can get a few extra points for being amusing. Women love a funny man after all.

Motivation: Again your main motivation here is keeping the Lady happy. It is also something that has a direct effect on the Ladies self-esteem. You should always remember that the more comfortable a lady is with how she looks naked the more likely she is to let you see.

Choose your own Adventure: Gentleman Style

Do you remember those books you used to have when you were younger…. Or maybe still read…. Where you got to choose the path of the main character. You know the ones I mean “If you want to follow the Knight into the Cave turn to page 23, If you want to do an interpretive dance turn to page 204”… that kind of thing.

Weren’t they awesome?

The correct answer of course is yes. In light of this revelation I have decided to do my own take on this idea. Every entry(ish) I will post a part of a fictional story with “The Gentleman” as the main character and at the end of each story fragment you, the readers will post comments telling me what the Gentleman should do next. A slight twist will be that I will also present the statistics of “The Gentleman” at the beginning of each fragment, much like the character sheet used in pen and paper roleplaying or video games with a roleplaying bent. If you find this part of the idea confusing don’t worry! Just completely ignore it and put what you want to happen in the comments and I will sort it out. So, here’s the character sheet of “The Gentleman” at the beginning of our story… with annotations to try and make it understandable to those who aren’t of the geeky persuasion.

Name: The Gentleman

Appearance
Age: Unknown
Height: 6’1”
Weight: 11 Stone
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Brown hair styled neatly with pomade, a large and elaborate moustache.

Vital Stats
Vigor: 50/100 (This is the overall health of the “The Gentleman”, it is reduced by fighting and other damaging actions and when it reaches 0 he will pass out or even die. It can be recovered by sleeping but may require medical attention if it goes too low. )

Vim: 50/100 (This is the energy of “The Gentleman”, it is used to perform attacks, defend himself and other special actions. When it reaches 0 he will become tired, lethargic and unable to perform anything other than the most basic of tasks. It can be recovered by resting.)

Combat Stats
(Using different weapons gives you a variety of attack and defence actions, all of which cost Vim. Currently “The Gentleman” has no weapons so he is unarmed and so won’t be that effective in a fight)

Current Weapon: None (Unarmed)

Attack Action, Fist of Gentlemanly Fury
You let your opponent know that the fury of a Gentleman is not something to be underestimated… even if he is empty handed

Vim Cost: 5 (Each use of this skill costs 5 Vim. If you use it too much “The Gentleman’s” Vim will reach 0 and he’ll be exhausted)

Chance of Success: 50% (Each attack and defence has a certain chance to work… I will roll a dice to determine success of failure)

Damage: 10 Vigour (On a success an attack will reduce the opponents Vital Statistics. In this case a successful hit you will reduce your opponents Vim by 10)

Defense Action, Would you like to Dance?
Hours at formal functions has honed the Gentleman’s dancing skills to the point where he can dance out of the way of blows as easily as dance his way into a Ladies heart.

Vim Cost: 5
Chance of Success: 50%
Damage Reduction: 5 Vigour (On a success a defence action will reduce the damage done by an enemies attack)

Special Actions
(Throughout our adventure the Gentleman will gain a number of abilities that aren’t for use in combat…they will be here)

Special Action, The Smoulder
You glance at a Lady and win her over with the pure animal magnetism in your stare.
Vim Cost: 10

Effect: If you use this on a Lady (or Gay Man) they will think much more favourably of you. The exact result changes depending on the situation and the Lady in question.

Gear
(Here I will just list the items the Gentleman is currently carrying… at the moment this is… nothing)
Nothing.

So there was the nerdy bit, here’s the creative bit.

To begin with The Gentleman felt nothing.

Swirling darkness and silence consumed his whole being and took over his every sense. His mind raced “How did I get here” and “Where is here?” These questions and more danced in his thoughts with their dance partners “Am I dead?” and “who am I?”
Slowly sensations crept back. The first was nausea and its tendrils spread all over his body. This was quickly followed by the warmth and chill of a hot flush and The Gentleman couldn’t tell if this was better or worse that the nausea that preceded it. Once both had settled over him his first sense of the world around him surfaced and in true British fashion it was a light drizzle. The icy rain was oddly refreshing as it covered his skin and helped to rouse him from his stupor. The moisture was accompanied by a chilling wind that tousled The Gentleman’s moustache and brought goosebumps out from head to foot. He couldn’t help but be reassured by these familiar sensations. After a few moments of this the realization that he must be naked dawned on The Gentleman and in a sudden rush of embarrassment he tried to open his eyes and sit up. He failed, at the slightest attempt of movement the nausea reared its head and forced him to remain still. Helpless panic threatened to overwhelm him as he realized he couldn’t move his body at all let alone open his eyelids. Anxiousness filled him and threatened to overwhelm the Gentleman. What if he was stuck like this? Why couldn’t he move? Maybe he really was dead?
The panic was quelled almost instantly and calm rushed through him as The Gentleman felt a soft pair of lips kiss him softly on the cheek and whisper into his ear “Come now, you don’t have time to be resting my love… you best get up and sort this mess out!”
With a start he sat bolt upright and opened his eyes. The Gentleman found himself in a grassy clearing flanked on one side by a brightly covered shanty town and on the other by a section on woodland. He rapidly realized that he was not alone and his dulled senses tuned in to and then became almost overwhelmed by a cacophony of sounds. By the shanty town were a group of a dozen or so eclectically dressed people. They wore hand knitted and patchwork clothes and their hair was unkempt and wild. At their head stood a tall proud woman whose mane of frizzy red hair framed her furious yet pretty face beautifully. Both she and her followers held makeshift weapons from baseball bats and pool cues to half bricks and dirty pitted blades.
Opposite these people were a group who seemed to be the very opposite of them. Roughly equal in number they wore finely pressed bulk issue suits and functional sunglasses that served to help make them all look the same. Their hair was uniformly short and they had standard issue pistols and truncheons. At the head of this crowd of uniformity was a person in a long high collared coat and black wide brimmed homburg hat.
The two opposing crowds seemed to be having a heated disagreement over the ownership of not only The Gentleman but the items scattered haphazardly around him. He continued to take in the scene and looked at the items in question. Laying on the floor all around the Gentleman’s naked form were an array of strange items. There were the following items

A fabulous Top Hat,
A lovely white velvet glove,
An elaborately engraved cane,
A polished and ornate gold pocket watch.
A glittering monocle,
A well used snuff box and
A fabulous burgundy cravat.

Bewildered by his current situation the Gentleman felt unsure what to do…
What should he do…
WHAT SHOULD HE DO!

So there, that’s the end of the first part of my choose your adventure. Below here is the comments section so put what you think the Gentleman should do and the choice with the most votes will decide the actions of our hero. I do reserve the right to pick an option which has less votes but is more interesting.

I look forward to your responses,

The Gentleman over and out.